tgif + birthday reflections

I turned 44 on Wednesday. I’m always quiet and contemplative around my birthday and this week is no exception. In fact, I’m having a really hard time getting my head around my age because I’ve somehow managed to mentally freeze my mom at 44. We can’t both be in our mid-40’s.

I’m doing a special TGIF this week – a look back at how my trust, inspiration, and gratitude has changed over the past three decades.

On place:

At 14: I’m pretty sure that I spent my 14^th birthday sitting alone in a deer blind in freezing weather on my family’s hunting lease. My birthday has always been dangerously close to the opening of deer season (which was relevant in my family and remains so for my state). I remember wearing Wranglers, a western belt with my name stamped across the back, and battery-operated socks. I was holding a huge gun across my lap (that I never intended to use to shoot anything but skeet) while dreaming of marrying a quarterback. Not THE quarterback. Any quarterback.

At 24: To pay my way through undergrad, I took a part-time, Spanish-speaking job with AT&T. After a combination of dropping out and getting kicked out of school, I still had two years left and I needed the money. I quickly became a union steward (CWA Local 6143), then got promoted into management, then got promoted again, then offered another promotion that meant moving to New Jersey. Somewhere along the way, I had fallen in love with the idea of being a radical, fun college teacher so I turned down the promotion, resigned from AT&T, got a job waiting tables, and went back to school to pursue a career as a social work researcher and professor. 

At 34: At 34, I was a new mom and a new professor married to a new pediatrician. Between 24 and 34, I got married, quit drinking, quit smoking, finished my degree, finished my masters, survived Steve’s residency, had a baby, finished my Ph.D., got my first professorship, and stayed married.

At 44: I spend most of my time loving on Steve, Ellen, and Charlie, writing, researching, speaking, playing, and trying really hard to slow down and find joy in the ordinary moments.

On Love:

At 14: Love only happened to girls who made the drill team and that wasn’t me. Unfortunately, quasi-wild-always-afraid-misfit girls could only watch. Thank God for The Love Boat and Fantasy Island.

At 24: Love = cold beer + Marlboro Lights + Leonard Cohen

But all I've ever learned from love/
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya ~ Leonard Cohen

At 34: “Love is great. I just don’t do vulnerability or uncertainty. That works . . . right?”

At 44: "Oh, shit. Love is vulnerability and uncertainty."

On God:

At 14: When I sat in mass and heard the priest and/or the parishioners preaching, I seriously doubted the existence of God. When I sat in mass and heard everyone singing, I believed with my whole heart.

At 24: In the 80's, politics and religion collided like never before. Mystery and faith turn to certainty and hatred. "I’m out. No thanks." Anger and activism became my new religion.

At 34: Too busy making my way to find the way.

At 44: “The opposite of faith is not doubt. The opposite of faith is certainty.” ~ Anne Lammot

I clawed my way through the 2007 breakdown spiritual awakening. I searched for for faith and found a place wihtin me where God and love were so intertwined that they became one. Music is still church (along with a real church on most Sundays).

The biggest surprise:

I always thought I would kinda just “love Steve” and we would raise a “calm and kind” family while I worked my ass off so that I could feel proud and successful.

As it turns out, the thing that I’m the most proud of is my marriage. It’s by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I feel EXTREMELY lucky to be married to a man who believes in me and believes in the “hard work” part. I was careless with love and so grateful that I found someone who knew me before I knew me.

From the time I was old enough to imagine having a family, the words “calm” and “kind” were key. Raising children in a calm and kind way has turned out to be the most unrelenting, amazing, scary, wonderful thing that I’ve every done. The most defining experience off my life is motherhood.

And last, I never, ever, ever, thought I’d love my work as much as I do. Now I understand that loving what you do is the definition of success. I feel incredibly grateful.

Happy TGIF!

Today I’m trusting that I’ll continue to grow and learn and change.

I’m grateful for Steve, Ellen, and Charlie.

I’m inspired by love, faith, and this community.

I’d love to know where you’re finding trust, gratitude, and inspiration this week!

inspiration interview with laura mayes + giveaway!

I started the Inspiration Interview Series because I wanted to know more about the people who share their work with the world and inspire me to practice courage, be creative, and dream big. Laura Mayes is one of those people!

Meet Laura!

© Karen Walrond

Laura spent several years as an ad agengy VP, where she wrote for a variety of Fortune 500 companies and metaphoric rock stars.

She is one of the founders of Kirtsy - a social media platform of pure goodness. A site for women, run by women, and about women! Her partners in crime are  Gabrielle Blair, who most of us know as Design Mom, Laurie Smithwick who blogs at Upside Up, and Gwen Bell , a social media guru and consultant!

In addition to her work at Kirtsy, Laura is a lover of great finds, bargains, and design, she also writes for a variety of new-fangled blogs, review sites, and publications including The Queso and Cool Mom Picks.

In her 128 hours of weekly spare time, she enjoys hanging with her brilliant husband, chasing their energetic son (Harry the Hurricane) around the house, and destroying food for dinner parties. She also really digs enchiladas and Elvis and would be extremely happy to talk to you at any given moment about the benefits of New York, British music, design magazines, and carbs.

Today is a big, big day for Laura, Kirtsy, and a whole bunch of us who were lucky enough to be part of the first Kirtsy book! It's launch day for this:

This is a collection of great blog posts, inspirational designs and provocative juxtapositions. It has all the energy of kirtsy, but you can carry it in your bag and you don't need wifi to read it. It will introduce you to the kirtsy chicks, their 22 amazing editors, top bloggers and women from around the world.

I'm so exctied to have a piece in this little piece of history.

Katherine Center wrote the forward for the book and also made this amazing book trailer!

I've known Laura for a little over a year, but it feels like forever when we're together. Part of it is the shorthand that comes from being hardcore Texans. It's a kindred spirit thing that you can't mask with Prada sunglasses. Can you see the reflection of Katherine's one-horned bull in her shades? Yes. Katherine is also from Texas and she has a bull. On a ranch.

Here's my top three "How Laura inspires me" list:

1. Her sheer determination and persistence. We say "Get 'er done!" down here. She's that kinda girl.

2. Her ability to be extremely serious and extremely funny at the same time. Some people choose. She doesn't.

3. Her hopefulness is contagious. She's a true believer. I love that about her.

Inspiration Interview

Here is the best part! I came up with this standard format for the Inspiration Series after thinking, "What do I want to know about people?"

I want to know about their humanity, their ordinary-ness, their pjs.

Enjoy!

Creativity and Inspiration:

What is your writing process? Direct. I almost always publish in first draft. I realize this goes against all of the planet’s writing laws, but it’s a time thing. I picked up this habit writing on super tight deadlines for a very busy ad agency. I’ve discovered that if I go back and re-read and edit and all, I’ll never stop; and I’ll never get anything else done in a day. Now I ride the stream of consciousness, and subconsciously self-edit as I go. It’s not the optimal process, but it’s optimal for me. Because I’ve learned that getting something done is much more important than doing it perfectly. Because it will never be perfect.

How would you characterize your relationship with writing? Writing is an adventure for me. I almost never know where something will take me when I write. I sometimes have a general idea about where I want to go, but I usually wind my way off the track a bit. In the end, I always make it home. Eventually.  

What are your greatest creative inspirations? I write best with headphones blaring to Doves, Blur, Koop, Rufus Wainwright, Kings of Convenience, Trashcan Sinatras, Gomez, Imogen Heap, Everything But The Girl, Stone Roses, The Samples, Indigo Girls, Guster, Badly Drawn Boy, Ocean Colour Scene, Mutual Admiration Society, Ben Folds, MGMT, Dixie Chicks, Manic Street Preachers, Avett Brothers, Neil Finn, Pernice Brothers, Zero 7, The Bird and The Bee, The Rifles, Ra Ra Riot, Muse, Phoenix, and The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, to name a few. Music is my coffee.

From James Lipton, host of Inside the Actor’s Studio

What is your favorite word? Tie between specificity and simplicity.

What is your least favorite word? Either indecision or kerfluffle. I can’t decide.  

What sound or noise do you love? Thunderstorm rain. 

What sound or noise do you hate? When my son is sad, he makes this very specific sad noise. It breaks my heart.  

What is your favorite curse word? Horseshit.

*** A quick note *** I laughed so hard when I read that Laura's favorite curse word is "horseshit!" Why? Because I just said it a couple of days ago, when I was really, really mad. I don't say it very often, but when I do I sound just like my dad. My voice changes and everything. In Texas, there's a huge difference between bullshit and horseshit.

From JL’s Uncle Jessie Meme

A song/band/type of music you'd risk wreck & injury to turn off when it comes on the radio?   I read a quote once that said no matter how splintered we are as a country, I think we can all agree that they play way too much Nickelback on the radio. 

Best show on television?  Mad Men.

Favorite movie? Tie between Sliding Doors and Amelie.

Favorite room in your house? My kitchen. 

Best concert? This is an impossible question. So I’ll go with my first: Elvis. And no I’m not as old as you would think. Swear.

Brass or strings?  Brass.

If you could have anything put on a t-shirt what would it be? N'est-ce Pas?

The best part about being your age? The not caring part.

Favorite Girl Scout cookie? Thin Mint. Duh.

Poker or gin or bridge? Gin. It’s the only one I understand.

Shower or bath? Gigantic enormous way-too-long super hot bath.

Favorite pajamas? Flannel. Even in summer.  

Nightmare job? Anything on TV.  

A talent you wish you had? Drawing/painting. 

Dream vacation? A month in Italy with unlimited funds.  

What’s on your nightstand? Grace Eventually by Anne Lamott, three tiny trucks, and a glass of gingerale.

From the famous “Weird Things” blogoshpere meme

Tell us 3 weird things about you:

1. I’ve not seen most movies. So people totally freak out that I haven’t seen (fill in the blank).

2. I own more shoes than I do underwear. Swear.

3.  When I’m old and retired, I want to move to a tiny apartment in New York City.

From Smith Magazine’s Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs from Writers Famous and Obscure

A six-word memoir that captures your life as an artist OR your art life.

I decorate ideas with twinkle lights.

"Take a Bow" Giveaway!

To celebrate the new Kirtsy book, we're giving away two signed copies of the new book! The timing is great - what a perfect holiday gift!

All you have to do to win is leave a comment telling us one reason you should take a bow! C'mon! Don't be shy! Give us one tiny reason . . . an accomplishment . . . a "I made it through this moment" . . . or a simple "due to my sheer awesomeness." One tiny thing!

The giveaway ends Thursday night!

bsm + sweet charlie art + giveaway winner

I spent Saturday afternoon with my good friend Bridget and a gaggle of girls.

We took them to a nearby park so we could practice shooting with different camera lens. This is one of my favs and is perfect for Best Shot Monday!

Meanwhile sweet Charlie was busy making art at home with his dad. He drew this picture and told me, "This is everyone who lives in my heart and my house - you, Dadda, Sissy, Me and Daisy."

Then, much to my dismay, he tore it in half. When I asked why he did it, he said, "Because Amaya (his cousin) doesn't live here but she has half of my heart, so I need to give her half of my picture."

Then he asked, "Mamma, can you write our names on the top?" Sigh.

Congrats to Dorothy! You won a copy of Ree's new cookbook. I just shot you an email!

Happy Monday everyone!