I'm a little obsessed with Supergirl.
Oh! Om! Ouch! Ooh!
Oh! I get it. That makes sense.This is my change process. I’m an oh-om-ouch-ooh person.
Om. I’m practicing what I’ve learned. I’m breathing and becoming mindful.
Ouch. I’m feeling it. It hurts.
Ooh. I’m grateful. What an amazing process.
These are my nail polishes. I'm also an OPI person.
One leads to the other.
In my field, we use several 3-legged stool metaphors. One stool is made up of a cognitive leg, an emotional leg, and a behavioral leg. Basically, the metaphor helps us understand that what we think, how we feel and how we behave are very interdependent. Some theories of change suggest we should help people by first addressing their feelings, other models posit starting with behaviors or thoughts. We all have different needs and different styles (which is why I think you should interview lots o’ therapists before picking one).
I’m an oh-om-ouch-ooh girl.
I have to get my head around it first, then I start practicing it, then, at the very end, when I have no other choice, I feel it.
Why do you think I study shame, empathy, vulnerability, and compassion? I really like to get my head around it. Years and years and years of head wrapping. I’ll do anything to avoid the vulnerability of actually feeling it (trust me, the irony is not lost on me).
The pattern that led to the beginning of my spiritual awakening was slightly more complicated (to allow for all of the begging, pleading, kicking and screaming):
Oh! I’m not sure I can hear this.
Oh! Holy shit. Are you kidding?
Oh! I don’t believe it. I won’t believe it.
Oh! It’s in MY book? Shit. You sure?
Oh! OK. OK. OK. I get it.
Oh! This makes sense, but I’m a little afraid.
Om. Faking it.
Om. Still faking it.
Om. Pissed off and faking it.
Om. Pissed off, holding breath and faking it.
Om. Wow. I don’t think I’m faking it anymore.
Om. Breathing. Mindful. Still a little pissed.
Ouch. This hurts. I’m afraid. Make it stop.
Ouch. Can’t breathe. Heart breaking.
Ouch. I’m so tired.
Ouch. Yes, I feel it. I can’t stand it.
Ouch. Yes, I feel it. I can do this.
Ouch. I feel it. I’m tired. I’m going to be OK. Heart broken open.
Ooh. What just happened? Everything looks and feels different.
Ooh. A spiritual awakening?
Ooh. Really? I’m so grateful.
The book I’m working on right now chronicles the 2007 oh-om-ouch-ooh process. Every terrible detail. Did I mention that I was a little pissed off and behaved badly on several occasions? That I fell apart on stage in front of 500 people? Oh yea, and how I found God at the bottom of a Wheat Thin box?
The oh-om-ouch-ooh revelation came to me today in the middle of a pedicure, as I was thinking about my recent bout with stress and fear. I’m happy to report that I think I’m moving from Ouch to Ooh right now.
I got sloppy with my self-care and slipped back to my pre-2007 ways. I made the huge mistake of believing that I was cured and that this new state of awareness had become my default setting. Ha!
My default is and always will be: Perform! Please! Perfect! Prove!
The great, wonderful news is that my oh-om-ouch-ooh process was much faster this time because I recognized the symptoms, reached out, and believed in the process (rather than fighting it the entire way).
It’s sunny and 65 degrees here today. My kids are healthy, messy and happy. Steve and I love each other and even really like each other right now, my friend Laura just found out that she is starting nursing school this fall (Brava!), and I’m almost ready for my big lecture on Tuesday (eeks!).
I got a pedicure with this great new terra-cotta pink OPI color called Krème de la Kremlin. This is relevant because I know that I’m better when I don’t feel guilty about spending 20 minutes picking out new polish or driving to the mall just to play at the Bobbi Brown counter. I guess you could say I'm a oh-om-ouch-ooh-opi girl!
If you’d like to share your change process (or your favorite OPI color) – I’d love to hear about it!
Have a great weekend!
Have a great weekend!
Brené Brown
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Reader Comments (14)
Ugh. I do need help.
On a lighter note...of COURSE I had to have my toes done in the ElePHANTASTIC pink color from the OPI India Collection.
Since I'm the Honorary Indian. :)
Cognitive/emotional battle - often lasts a REALLY long time because my cognitive REFUSES to give in and I too DO NOT WANT TO FEEL
Finally allowing the feelings to come
Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
The aha moment of true awakening and movement to a new level
Anything OPI makes in the cute little mini 4-packs
(guess I'm not ALL better, I still do my own!)
happy weekend!
Favorite OPI (not sure they even make it anymore) Rosy Future and Las Vegas Strip Poker. The fact that I don't think they make them anymore tells you how overdue I am for a mani pedi.
Veronique
I am trying to stay in the om right now, but the old cognitive processes feel very difficult to challenge as of late.
-self-behavior I don't like
-lots of questions
-many hypotheses
-so much analyzation
-simultaneous interior tug and far away stare, WE HAVE COGNITION!
-ownership & pain
-pain & fear
-fear & work
-work and work and work, NICE OF YOU TO SHOW UP BEHAVIOR!
-waiting
-waiting
-waiting
-(come on emotion)
-waiting
-waiting
-(seriously?)
-waiting
-waiting
-the cry-for-no-reason arrives. For a reason.
IT’S THE WAITING, MY DEAR EMOTIONAL YOU, THAT’S THE HARDEST PART
OPI Sweetheart or Heart Throb both go great with scrubs, perhaps pointing in the direction of CICU.
I think it says alot about who I am really...
I love the Pema Chodron quotes you used. It's funny to me because I had never heard of her until yesterday morning when a friend told me about her book "The Places that Scare You" which I immediately ordered from Amazon. So to hear her quoted again on the same day really makes me believe in synchronicity. Messages from the Universe.
Today, I ran into another mom who attended last night and we talked about how loving and supportive we were being to our children this morning. "You are precious and perfectly imperfect, and I love you exactly as you are!!!!"
Children BLOOM when they hear stuff like that. :)
I hardly ever (like once every two years) polish my finger nails. I've been dying to color them dark blue. Next chance I get I will use OPI's Yoga-Ta Get this Blue.
No pun intended, but OUCH and Get this Blue. Hmm.