a letter from camp

A couple of weeks ago, I walked into Ellen's room to tuck her in and I found her face down in her pillow. When I asked her what she was doing, she explained that she was "praying real hard." She told me that she was asking God to please let her make the safety patrol squad. I smiled and thought of Anne Lamott's great quote: "There are basically two prayers - please, please, please and thank you, thank you, thank you."

Ellen put her head back into her pillow and wrapped up her prayer with one final "PLEASE." When she sat back up in her bed, she asked me if I thought it would work. Deep breath. I told her I wasn't sure, but that I did it pretty often myself. Then, this child of an Episcopalian with a Buddhist meditation practice asked, "Would there be a better way to do it?" I could tell by her question that she was asking if there was another deity with a better track record.

I tried to explain that I found it more helpful to ask for peace and understanding no matter what happens and I introduced her to the serenity prayer. In our house, God is love (seriously - Ellen resolved the whole gender issue about God when she said, "I don't think God's a boy or a girl. I think God is just the biggest ball of love ever"). She thought about this new approach and we worked on a new prayer: "God, please let me feel love in my heart if I make the squad or if I don't." Of course, I as quietly pulled the door shut to her room and headed down the hall, I knew she was in there praying, "OK - love in my heart would be great, but I'd also like that cool badge and the vest."

Yesterday, I stood toe to toe with the mailbox. I said the serenity prayer 10 times - "God grant me the serenity to accept not getting a letter from Ellen."  Then, just as I reached my hand in the box, I shouted, "Please, please, please! Please let there be a letter! Just this once - make it happen." 

Poof! I got a letter. My anxiety melted, the fog lifted, and all felt right with the world. One little letter that starts with, "Hi Mom. Please send googels" and ends with, "there are ants on my window seal."

All I have to say is "thank you, thank you, thank you."

Comments

[Monica]

Ok, Brene...I'm a blog lurker to the max! I couldn't resist commenting this time. I know how hard it is to be seperated from your child for an entire week and how insanely wonderful a simple letter from camp can make everything in the world shine!

I know Ellen being Ellen...she's having a wonderful time experiencing independence all on her own. She will have so many stories to tell when she gets back and I swear you will insist she has grown!

Have a great week with Charlie and I will lovingly pray there are more letters coming your way!

[Veronique]

Lol. That Ellen and her Mama. What amazing sweet souls they both are. How could God not answer their prayers.

Veronique : )

[Karlie]

I think I may have commented the same thing the last and only time I commented, but I seem to end up in tears when I read your words. Good tears, the kind that say "whew, I am so NOT alone in my feelings!"

Also, I am abour 1/3+ into your book and I love it, and I know I want to use the concepts to change me. Thank you for inspiring MY ordinary courage.

[Renae C]

I'm glad you got your letter!

[kellyrae]

you are the BEST storyteller!!

[Krista]

smiling big that you got your letter!

[phyllis]

sometimes our fondest prayers are answered. what a great letter:-)

[Gypsy Alex]

All I'm going to say is... You made me tear up! xo