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celebrating 1001! (and a survey)
A couple of months before I Thought It Was Just Me
I took my mom and Ellen with me for unconditional love and support and we turned the trip into a long weekend. It was Christmas time so we spent a lot of time window-shopping and strolling around. We even saw Mary Poppins on Broadway. It was the trip of a lifetime for the three of us.
My publishing meetings were both exhilarating and terrifying. The two most exhilarating moments were finding out how many copies they were planning to print for the first run and hearing the publicist say, “Clear you calendar for February and March – we’re planning big media events!”
The terrifying part was, “The book only has 90 days to make it.”
The book business is tough. Because there are thousands of titles competing for shelf space, you get 3 months to create a big seller. After 90 days – if sales aren’t what they should be – it’s only a matter of time before you find your book in the remainder bin.
My publication date was February 7, 2007. It was a very quiet day. Followed by more deafening silence. No one called. In fact, on 2/15, my editor unexpectedly moved to London. My publicist quit about two weeks later. Then, my agent retired from the agenting business.
No one ever called. There were no media events. Nothing. In fact, I had used my contacts to set up three book-signings for the week after the book released and the publisher forgot to ship my books to the signings.
My 90 days came and went (I’ll save the details of the total devastation for the book, but is the 2007 breakdown making more sense now?). Steve, who was totally dumbfounded and disappointed by everything that wasn’t happening, decided to take matters into his own hands. He forced me to create a folder on my computer to collect emails from people who had read the book and found it helpful enough to write me a note.
I’ll never forget what he said: “Paying off our school loans would be great, but that’s not why you do this work. You should measure your success by the number of lives you touch, not the sales reports or the publishing standards. You love what you do and you believe in it – you can’t forget that.” In case you're wondering - he's really that great.
For the past two years, I’ve been quietly slipping emails into my folder and, with the help of a new agent, moving the book right along. To date, I’ve never heard from a single publicist from my publishing house. Not a peep. Everything has been grassroots and word of mouth.
On Monday I was moving an email from my inbox to my “book letters” file and I glanced at the folder header. I couldn’t believe it: 1001 emails from readers. Honestly, it was like winning the lottery. I just started crying.
The very next day I got an email from my agent. A new publisher wants me to develop a workbook that goes along with the book. I thought, “How can this be? It was supposed to die after 90 days?” My agent said, “Looks like it’s an evergreen – a book that builds slow and stays alive.”
I feel so, so, lucky. I haven't made a dent in my student loans, but I'm doing what I love. And I've learned one of the most important lessons of my life: the publishers didn't almost kill my book, I almost killed my book. Without Steve, my friends, my family, my readers, and my new agent, I would have convinced myself that the publisher's lack of interest was about me not being good enough. I would have stopped fighting. I would have stopped believing.
I know shame can be a scary topic, but here's the thing: If we want to understand our struggles with perfectionism, judgment, blame, and disconnection, we have to step into it. If we want to know compassion, courage, authenticity, and belonging - we have to walk through it. We can hold hands, but we gotta go.
I’ve been thinking about the workbook idea and that’s where you come in: What do you think about a read-along? We could read I Thought It Was Just Me together and I could use the blog to ask and answer questions along the way. We could talk about authenticity, perfectionism, parenting, blame, work, etc.
I’m constantly inspired and challenged by your comments and contributions. It would be amazing to use what we learn in the process to create the workbook. Yes? No? Maybe?
I have to really think about taking on a new project because I’m committed to finishing the new book by August 2009 (more to come on that on 3/2).
Thanks for letting me share this incredibly important milestone with you. I can’t wait to hear what you think about the read-along idea!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Reader Comments (105)
lots of love
I have 2 friends that also have your book and we talk a lot about the things we've learned on your blog and in your book. I would really enjoy a read-along.
I'm so excited by this idea! I just sent this as an email to you when I couldn't find the blog entry fast enough....
I wanted to reach out and let you know that I think a workbook AND a read-a-long are both fabulous ideas and I would love to be a part of it.
I have your book and have read through it, but have not set aside the time to really get to the core of my own shame issues. Having the opportunity to work with you via your blog and with a workbook would be a great way to hold myself accountable and feel less alone.
I admire your authenticity and raw honesty on your blog and I hope to meet you one day.
Namasté,
Carmen Torbus
http://distractedbydesign.blogspot.com
carmentorbus@gmail.com
i have your book & would be thrilled to delve into it more! i think SO many bridges can be built between SO many women! there is just SO much we can learn from each other!
"walking through it"... oh how i sometimes want to walk around it! :) this is great!
i am SO gung ho & excited for you!
thank you!
I bought your book a few months ago and I would love to work through it as a group.
There are so many reasons WHY a book is "successful" in the marketplace or why it is not. It is rarely related to the content or the quality. The reason yours is living on is because it has important, unique content and you are a good writer. It is your authenticity that draws people to you and your work.
Keep going Brene!
Count me in!!!
Hugs :0)
I just ordered your book, and I love the idea of a read along! Thank you for thinking of a way to include all of us in cyberspace.
Over the next 2 weeks we are going to have a couple of CD listening parties at our preschool (Next time we'll use the DVD!) and I will be sure and pass the idea of the workbook and read-along with the book on to all of the other moms.
Thank you as always! I think you are fabulous and I really appreciate your willingness to share your journey. It has given me a boost and helped me on my own path on more than one occasion!
Jen Hardee
earthmaa
I've just bought the book and it is next in my list of books to read. This would be just amazing to have a read along. You have provided so much inspiration and your authenticity pushes me to live mine.
Monica
So I vote a loud. "YES!" to a read-along! I loved when we blogged together with the parenting series and would love to do it with your book.
Whether I end up being able to participate or not, I think a read-along is a good idea. If it helps you develop what you need for the workbook, what better way to do it than a living lab?
I started to read your book, and stopped when it got tough.... I just kind of wandered away. But that hasn't helped me any, so I would love to participate in a read along and discussion! The 'accountability' would be good for me.
Excellent idea Brene- can't wait!
and i LOVED reading your book...have many quotes running around in my head..
I would be thrilled to be part of this, just thrilled! It hit me really strongly..tears started running down my face as I read your idea - how to explain? it was like: YES! there is so much good in the world (which for me means connection - involving integrity, vulnerability, authenticity...)..and being part of something like this would be wonderful
also i guess the tears about your openness again...the way you share - I love it!!! what you said (well, what your husband,Steve, said) about HOW to measure your success..wow and wow..very close to what one of my mentors always said - very beautiful..and the 1001 emails..incredible..
such a great idea..the read thru AND the workbook..hurrah evergreen writing woman!!!!
Congrats on everything, and it is awesome that you are once again proving that slow and steady wins the race.
The read along would be super!
I haven't written a book but I keep a similar file that I call my Sunshine folder, where I put notes of thanks, etc. It is exactly that: little slips of sunshine when I'm discouraged and need to remember that it's those individual connections that matter.
I am so, so grateful you didn't give up. Really truly grateful.
I'd be in for a read-along... :)
count me in.
xoxo!
I'd love to do the read along!
Very strange... as I glared across the kitchen at my 4 year old earlier today I suddenly thought of you and your book (which I haven't read but I'm curious about). Much too big of a coincidence for me to ignore. Maybe, just maybe, it can help me with her.
It will be..... (not "fun").... FANtastic!
=)
'It would be amazing to use what we learn in the process to create the workbook." Be a part of a process to help Brene Brown create a workbook? woo hoo! (I'm jumping up and down again!)
Like all of the others, I would love to be a part of the read-along. I just ordered your book, so it would be perfect timing. Also, YES
Mary Ann