deeply grateful for the light

My One Little Word for 2012 is light. Every month I'm sharing one of my favorite quotes about light. This one has me thinking . . .

Deep gratitude for Steve, Ellen, and Charlie today. Grateful for my friends who've supported me during this crazy, wonderful, challenging time. Grateful for my family - you always make me laugh (even when you're not trying to be funny). Grateful for the folks who help me keep my head above water at work, including Elan from Ninjamatics who designed these graphics. 

And, incredibly grateful for some really good cancer news from a couple of people whom I love dearly and are knee-deep in this fight.

Who are your rekindlers? Who are you grateful for today?

Comments

[Fred Hundt]

Deeply grateful today for the ability to learn and change and grow. And for people like Brené Brown, who open doors for me.

[Helen]

This is beautiful and perfect. I wonder if it's too cheesy to say that I am grateful for my partner today?
It was one of those mornings where I woke up, turned over to look at him, and felt a grand swell in my heart. I love that.
Like you, I'm also grateful for my family. Our family lost three people this week; two to the cancer fight. I am so proud of their battle and their bravery heading into death. I feel so much love for the family I still have — so much closer to them in our love for each other.
...and I am grateful to you, Brené, for providing the space for me to acknowledge all these things in this moment.
Thank you.

[Lindsey]

I have long loved that quote, and think it's vitally important to reflect on those who really light us up, in every sense of the word. xo

[Julie]

Deeply grateful that a traumatic and intense season of healing has also led to incredible growth and new life. Profoundly grateful for the support and wisdom of therapists and authors and speakers who have breathed life into us as we are deep in the valley of the shadow. You are among those who have inspired me toward depth and growth. We've met some amazing people who are incredibly wise. I get giddy with joy when I think about all the connections and resources that each person recommends and how they are all speaking the same messages, bringing healing, light, and truth into a dark and difficult time. Praise God for the light!!!

[Sandra]

What a beautiful quotation. My light has been extinguished on occasions and I have sometimes been surprised at just who the candle bearers were who rekindled it for me. Living with an attitude of gratitude for everything and everyone in our life encourages our light to shine so brightly and fiercely that it automatically rekindles light in others. Let yours shine.

[Liz Ness]

My friends, my husband, and my son are huge sparks for me. They keep me thinking, laughing, and looking for more. I'm so very grateful (and blessed)! =)

[Katie]

My light is rekindled continually day after day by my mother. She is a great source of inspiration and hope. She has and continues to take care of me through my chronic illness. She is always reminding me of the reasons to stay in the light and on many accounts has told me that she will hold the light for me that day. My partner, is also a great source of light, he is always there to make me laugh when I need it and I see the light in my face grow when I look at photos of us, :)

[Charlene]

My daughters!! Shannon came up from her basement suite to give me a hug before she drives out of town for a job assignment. My dear friends, who hold me and encouragement when life gets ovewhelming and for technology so I can also be connected to such enriching and uplifting resources.

[Tsultrim W]

I am grateful for your post, for having discovered your blog and work. I am grateful for being alive. I am grateful for my partner. i am grateful for learning. I am grateful for the cherry trees that are blooming and for the sunny days. I am greatful that my tumors have been giving me a break!

[Sandra]

How can I not love this when I share his last name?

I'm ever so grateful for my friends, who with little words of kindness support me when the world gets me down. Somehow, I'm always surprised by it, but even just a line or two on a facebook post reminds me that I'm not alone and they're there if I need them. Kinda' like a life jacket - they keep me from going under.
Thanks for your thoughtfulness, Brené!

Sandra

[Jan Myhre]

Making up small bookmarks with the Schweitzer quote to share with my "rekindlers." Thank you so much for the wisdom you share with us. Today I'm grateful for all that I have learned from these past 70 years of my life, both the joys and the sorrows.

[Jill]

Wow, Brene. Love this quote and how apt it is today and everyday. I am so grateful for my awesomely great cancer news on Wed. Treatment is working. And I know it's because of the light and love that my family and friends have surrounded me with. They are speaking to the universe, drumming in the desert, praying to their gods, creating art, sending vibrational healing with Tibetan singing bowls and sending their love and energy to me and my kids by keeping us in their thoughts and prayers. I am sooo incredibly grateful for all of my angels on earth and grateful for your post today. How crazy and wonderful and connected! My light to you -j

[Beth Herman]

Kay Duncan, MSW, MBI certified coach. Judith Roth, founder of Powerful Choices in Seattle. Koelle Simpson, MBI certified coach and founder of Equus Coaching. Gretchen Pisano. Terry DeMeo. Jackie Gartman. Renee Kidd, one of the finest horse trainers I know. Many others. Positively beaming with light today.

[Allison Marek]

Your post is especially timely, as today was our Field Agency Marketplace. I had one professor in particular who gave me SUCH encouragement and support. She reminded me to focus on my strengths, to trust my gut, and to let my enthusiasm shine. I am grateful to the entire GCSW faculty for "lighting the flame within us" every day!

[Sharon]

Love the quote (and a related one, that urges us to "be the light")...
Just the love I feel for my nearest and dearest ones serves well as a rekindler - but sometimes the oddest and most unlikely people fill that role and isn't that one of life's sweet surprises?
We can all be those messengers and light bearers - I try always to give into to the impulses to do that, since I think it comes from something bigger than we are...

[Elizabeth Cottrell]

I'm grateful for you and your work, Brene.

On a cold day in January when a discouraging voice was trying to tell me that my idea of helping people strengthen their important life connections (with Self, with Others, with God, and with Nature) was silly and no one cared, TWO different people sent me your first TED talk about your research on the importance of connection.

I have followed you ever since and appreciate the way you combine spirit and science.

[Deborah (akaTawanda Bee)]

I am having a Velveteen Rabbit kind of morning... that kind of morning where I am grateful for all the bumps and bruises that make me real...

[Amy @ themessymiddle]

On Monday I'll be posting about people I'm so grateful for -- it will be the 15th anniversary of my nearly dying in China of bacterial meningitis. In honor of the date, I've been reminded of how rich my life is and how many have been lights in it!

[Andrea]

My husband and kids constantly fill me with happiness and gratitude, my muses Joelle and Joanne for filling me with inspiration, love and connection, and my newly reconnected family for the good old fashioned family fun, laughter and acceptance.

[Confused]

My "rekindler", who inspired joy, unbeknownst to her, tore up my family.

She sparked joy and exuberance in me and made me realize what was dormant and numb in me. Rekindler unwittingly tickled every dormant love chakra, like water on a desert flower. What Beatrice was to Dante, rekindler was to me. For the first time since 4th grade, a drought of forty years, I felt sheer exuberance of being alive. My body physically changed, I became more youthful. I lost 10 pounds without trying. My metabolism seemed to be fueled by excess phenylethylamine. A new found love of life enveloped all those around me except my wife who sensed my love and joy had turned away. We are now divorced. And my rekindler is married to someone else. Now what? Courage and wholeheartedness will guide me?

[Heidi]

I just finished "The Gifts of Imperfection" yesterday and am rapidly becoming a huge fan of your work. This post is further evidence that I need to follow what you do! In my quest to overcome depression, nothing has helped me like your ideas. Thank you!

[Shira]

My light was a random act of kindness from a stranger. My story is small and ordinary, but then that's a lot of life really.

Yesterday (March 31st) was year-end where I work, the end of a stressful three month sprint that starts right after Christmas vacation. My company made large layoffs in October 2011, so morale is low and workloads are higher than normal. At 3 in the morning, the fire alarm went off in my building and I had to carry my elderly, arthritic, 65lb(!) dog down three flights of stairs. The only thing my dog hates more than loud noises is being carried. Also she's a very committed sleeper, so was pretty grumpy about the whole thing. It was a false alarm, which is obviously something to be grateful for, but at 3am in the rain with a sulky dog it's hard to see it that way.

On my way to work – so tired - I stopped to get a latte and a bagel. When I tried to pay, I realized I had left my wallet in my car. When I returned, my coffee and bagel where ready to go, all paid for. I asked the server who had paid and she said they'd asked her not to say, and asked me if I knew anyone in the store. Looking around I couldn't see anyone I knew, which is not surprising because the store is nowhere near my apartment or workplace and I had only stopped because there was a parking spot out front.

Instant mood change - the world is good, the gods do love me and I only have 8 more hours till I can stop running! Thank you coffee shop stranger.

[Marion]

Deeply grateful for the musical compositions of Morten Lauridsen, particularly his choral masterpiece Lux Aeterna. It fills me with a sense of peace and hope - and eternal light.

[Dennis]

To cut to the chase, what do you do when the opposite happens? What do you do when closing yourself off becomes your only means of survival because you let yourself be vulnerable too many times? When your trust and faith and love for another person fails to be rewarded or returned, and this happens in almost the exact same way with dozens of people,back to back to back,over many years, there is a sort of critical mass that is reached concerning one sacred thing...your sanity. No one can indefinitely keep telling oneself it is not because there is something wrong with you when this happens. If the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, then one is forced too choose between miserable sanity...or being happily crazy. It's not courage that I lack by any means, but rather a single positive connection.

To put it another way, how many experiments do you conduct, getting the same negative result, before you formulate a hypothesis?

I would welcome any insight, I included my real email.

[Louise]

Hi Dennis
I feel disconnected too. I’ve tried for many years to break out of my isolation, often I feel that I will spend my life alone in the bell jar, looking out at others who are able to love, laugh and feel joy (at least some of the time). I've even tried to prepare myself for this “fate”. I read a book by Anthony Storr called ‘Solitude’ who wrote of prominent people who found it very difficult to form attachments but were able to live meaningful lives by finding an outlet in creativity – art, writing, science, ideas and so on. I thought, I will find satisfaction in study, nature and other interests. However, I long for connection and so I struggle on. I see that I lock people out of my heart and my life. I don’t know yet how to let people in but I do see that the shame I experience at being ‘me’, the self-loathing that I’ve lived with my entire life means that I see myself as being “unworthy of love”. I put on this façade of kindly compassion and understanding and live in terror that people will see the fake that I am. The irony is that I’ve done nothing to deserve my self-hatred, yet I’ve spent a lifetime hating myself. I’m hoping Brene Brown’s work on shame, vulnerability and self-acceptance along with Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion will help me to change the way I perceive myself. I cannot know your story but I hope this email helps you to feel a little less alone in emotional isolation.
Louise

[Lisa]

Today (and yesterday and forever) I am grateful for my partner. I struggled with motherhood today yet he never, ever judges me. That's pretty phenomenal really. When I grow up, I want to be just like him.

[Tammy]

I just now listened to your TED talk on vulnerability and connection. Everything you said was all that I have learned in the last ten or so years of my life. I laughed at your experience because it resonated so with me. Even though I am in a place of recognizing that I have value and that I am worth loving, it is so validating to find that someone who has so methodically studied this subject and had to face the battle of vulnerability head on, has stated its value so clearly and precisely. I even took notes!! When I first learned the true value in loving myself I often wondered, why don't they teach this in school? Often it's quite the opposite. You end up with years of wanting desperately to measure up and often feel you never do. So I'm grateful for you today!! That you are out there in a big way talking about this to everyone. This is goodness that every person needs in their life. Goodness to you .. light and hope and joy to you. Today I am grateful for you!! :)

[dawn kotzer]

Lovely quote. heartwarming article. what struck me as i read about 'rekindling' is how just one,focused, breath can re-ignite a bed of coals and once again create a life-sustaining fire. It really can start with just a single breath. I can do that. Thanks for the reminder.

[Wendy T]

My finding your post was not a coincidence.

I'm grateful for my late, beautiful daughter Olivia Grace (1992-2004). These last few days have been tough in the grief department. Then I saw your post and feel she has her hand in it....

Light.

Olivia's mantra as she battled the cancer in her brain was "Breathe in the light; blow out the darkness." She'd explain the darkness could be whatever it was to each individual in this exercise - but to her the darkness she expelled after she breathed in the light was "pain, fear and anger." Even as she was actively dying, when I would I would cry SHE would comfort me by telling me "Don't worry mommy. It'll be okay. Just breathe in the light and blow out the darkness."

She was much better at it than I am...that's for sure. But she continuously sends me reminders and signs as a way of rekindling and that's just one of the reasons I'm grateful for Olivia.

[Tony]

My mother is my rekindler today. For all those years that I used and neglected her feelings and for all those years that I wasn't able to be her song. I am here now mom, I love you and am grateful to have you in my life. I want to be your son for the rest of my life and live to help you, be there for you, love you and provide for you. I am your rock now, for you have been mine for so many years.

[MyPeaceOfFood]

I am grateful for all the bloggers out there (like you) who I can turn to for words of inspiration and support, even when you don't know exactly what note has been touched or why something seems comforting. Because as I say that, it feels sad that I didn't first say someone here, now, who I personally know, in my life. But it's just one of those days. Looking for the light. Trying to keep my head up.

[Fin]

On this day in the Christian Tradition-Good Friday-there seems to be little light entering. On this day (the only day of the year I completely enter the experience on purpose)I find the very darkness of all my humanity and I carry into this space the darkness of all of us. It bites the edges of my soul. It fills me with the pain of separation like no other experience ever could imagine. There are no defenses against it. It is raw and cold- no life in the experience at all. It roams these hours in complete emptiness. No human cry can lift it from its own pain. And I wait. I pray with no words because there are none in this experience. Time is no longer experienced for its presence demands all the attention. Color even black leaves. I'm all alone here- me and humanity-there is no hope, no endorphins to rescue me. This journey, this passage, this death is what happens when I-we refuse to honor and respect life in its most simplest form. I am filled with nothing, empty and nothing has no concept here. Until I realize that I am nothing without you and you are nothing without me can we surface again. And we do. And we will. Until I recognize this, there is no concept of light. For the light is the connection to me and to you.

When this light enters (my light-our light) it is profoundly felt, experienced, understood and yet still a mystery. Light welcomes us together no longer disconnected for we have embodied seeing that recognizes the divine (a divinity) in each of us. It's the promise of Easter, the Springtime of new life. The act of remembering, celebrating and believing is the essence of not a rekindling of a past light but a soul retrieval of the present light-not just potential but the- real- in this moment. The actual presence alive in us comes in through this light, my light, our light. Its portal remains through vulnerability, courage and wholeheartedness. It is the very gifts of imperfection.

[kim]

dear dennis & louise,

i hope you get this...i cannot respond to you directly here...therapy is a really powerful way to change your life...i am doing therapy with an exceptional therapist consistently...i have been working with her for over a year now...you can change feelings of "worthlessness" into feelings of "worthiness" by working with a professional that treats you with compassion, empathy and patients...by your therapist treating you well, you learn to treat yourself well...you learn by someone really skilled at seeing you and hearing you and helping you see and hear yourself to take your self more seriously...tend to yourself in healthier ways...the therapist in a way is "re-parenting you"...and therefore you learn to parent yourself...this doesn't come easy...it is hard work...and it takes time...but it is so worth it...it takes time for many reasons...we have a difficult time trusting, a difficult time letting down our defenses, a difficult time saying how we really feel...most people come into therapy because they are having difficulty with intimate relationships...with connections...i hope you find some hope in here somewhere...i've struggled with serious depression my whole life and now at the age of 44 i'm really finding hope...you really can change your mind and change your world...i would highly recommend 'mindsight"...it's all about how working with a skilled therapist can help you change and grow...best to you both...big hug...i hope you dance (you know the song)