"happier at home" thanks to gretchen rubin! (and a gratitude giveaway)

Gretchen Rubin's new book, Happier at Home hits shelves today. I was lucky enough to get an early copy and I absolutely love it!

Gretchen's year-long explorations in personal happiness (The Happiness Project) and happiness at home (Happier at Home) not only inspire important soul work, they are also rollicking adventures through history and into the minds of some of our greatest thinkers. 

I've already implemented several suggestions from Happier at Home and I can honestly say that these new practices have literally brought more joy into my life. A great example of this is my new "threshold ritual."

In her chapter on family, Gretchen writes,

"To remind myself to feel grateful for everything I had, and for my dear ordinary life, I decided to 'Follow a threshold ritual.' Each time I stood at the top of my steps, as I fumbled for my keys to turn off the alarm and unlock the two front doors of our building, I repeated, "How happy I am, how grateful I am, to be home." Every time I crossed the threshold from the street into my building, I took a moment to reflect lovingly on my family." 

If you read my blog or if you've read The Gifts of Imperfection, you know that I'm a huge believer in the power of gratitude. In my research it was clear that the most joyful people are people who actively practice gratitude.

Honestly, I've been struggling with this lately. With the Daring Greatly book launch around the corner, I've been anxious and stressed - a condition that makes it way too easy to forget how excited and grateful I am.

Now, when I walk into my study - a room that I've turned into a really sacred space for me - I stop at the door, literally at the threshold, and say, "I'm so grateful to do work that I love and to be a part of such an amazing community." 

I also have a new coffee threshold.

FYI - I'm decaf and Steve's fully loaded. San Francisco Bay Kcups rock!

Every night before we go to bed - even when we're tired and grumpy - we set up our coffee for the next morning. I can't tell you how grounding this ritual is for me.

Now, when I walk up to the coffee maker, I say, "I'm grateful for this day and for this family" and I close my eyes and slowly recite the serenity prayer, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom or grace to know the difference." I add grace because I can't always rely on my wisdom.  

I have to add that Gretchen's chapter on "Possessions" also inspired our shelf-by-shelf LEGO collecting and organizing. There were little shiny bricks everywhere! If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you may remember when I shared how a LEGO fell out of my shirt when I was walking up the aisle for communion at church. Nice.  

Congratulations to Gretchen for her daring and for giving us another inspiring book! To celebrate, I'm giving away three copies of Happier at Home. To put your name in the hat, leave a commment telling us about a threshold ritual that you'd like to implement in your life! I'll pick winners tomorrow at 8pm CST. 

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Connecting with Gretchen:  Website  |  Twitter  |  Facebook  |  Inspiration Interview 

Update on Thursday, September 6, 2012 by Brené Brown

Congrats to Sarah (posabug), Deanna, and David A.

Comments

[sarah]

I serve as a psychologist at 3 schools, teach prenatal water aerobics, work at a retail store, and have a husband and toddler. I am solo parent at drop-off in the mornings, and have the responsibility of getting the little guy up and ready for preschool. Sometimes it's the only time I see him that day. Usually this involves having to wake him up. I always take a deep breath from my morning rush and prepare to devote myself to him for that period of time. Snuggles, rocking, taking things slowly for him, making sure that we laugh and hug are all the important things that need *NEED* to take place at that time.

[Candice]

Hi Brene,

A threshold ritual I'm planning on implementing. I moved into a new home and it's something I've been thinking about. It's a gratitude list as such. I'm planning a type of framed glass picture (like a full length mirror) in a beautiful frame it's space is right next to my front door as I walk in. Next to it will be a white board marker and the glass will get vinyl lettering saying "I am grateful for..." and then myself, anyone in the family or visitors can add to what they're grateful for each day or week and then it can be wiped clean to begin again. I'm really excited about creating this ritual.

With love and gratitude for the work you do.

[Christa]

I love the threshold ritual idea! I think it helps to be present, which I desperatly need! I once worked with a woman who said that every evening when she took her bath she thanked God for hot water. That really stuck with me and I do the same. I also just hung a sign up at my front door that says "today I will be happier then a bird with a french fry" to help me to remember happiness and that it is just the little things. But I need more!! I am going to impliment a threshold ritual with my office at home. To be grateful and mindful.

[Life in Eden {amy}]

I love the coffee ritual -- I think I'll adopt that one for myself. In the chaos that is our mornings, it would be good for me to take that moment, take that deep breath and get ready for the day.
thanks!

[Marybv]

While I contemplate my "threshold ritual", I wanted to thank you, Brene, for this post today. In the few short hours of this day in which I have been awake, your blog was the SECOND time I'd heard about The Happiness Project...I just placed a hold on the book at the local library :)

[Sarah]

Ritual is sadly highly absent from my life these days. As fall starts and my two (!) new jobs take flight, I would like to create a threshold ritual pre-rolling out if bed, before my feet hit the floor, in the morning of taking a moment to be present to the new day and to set a simple intention to take with me through my journeys.

[Gayle Lee]

Every morning when I wake up I am thankful for another day. Today I am starting a new ritual. I am going to count my blessings and be grateful for the life that I lead and I am going let my family know just how much they mean to me...

[Larissa]

Before my daughter's bedtime, I often try to ask her what she wants to say "thank you for" about her day (she's just four so the word gratitude isn't familiar). Or, we'll ask what filled her bucket today (one of her favourite books is "Fill a Bucket"). It's amazing what she'll tell me and it's never about the 100s of toys she has! My intention is to do this ritual every night, instead of just "often". I also want to do it myself and share it with her...to encourage her to notice the little things...

[Stacey]

Thanks for sharing the glowing review for Gretchen's book -- I can't wait to read it! -- and I love seeing little glimpses into your "happier" home. :-)

My husband, 7 year-old son and I have a "threshold" ritual, before we go to bed each night, of sharing our "rose, thorn, and bud" moments from the day. The rose is the best part of the day, the thorn is the most challenging and difficult, and the bud is what we're joyfully anticipating.

Griffin (my son) recently created a new word, "thud," for the moments he's not looking forward to (like leaving a cousin's house).

These moments really remind me to appreciate my sweet life even more. I recently started recording these moments on my iPhone, and I already treasure them.

[Emily Klover]

In general I remind myself to be grateful when I begin to feel overwhelmed. It helps me feel more grounded and calm. I also have a habit of thinking of three things I am grateful for that day as I lay down to go to sleep at night. My boss taught me this technique and I really think it has helped me fall asleep..instead of continue to think of my "to do" list. I would like to add your coffee ritual, I make coffee first thing every morning and think it's a great time for a threshold ritual.

[Traci]

I have decided our new "gratitude ritual" will be to name 3 things we are grateful for at dinner. We used to discuss our "roses and thorns" but with a new school year starting, a change will be fun and hopefully increase the JOY.

[Jenna Dixon]

I live (pretty happily) in a small round house in Vermont without running water... and with electricity and DSL, it's kinda funny. There's a small path to the side to a modern outhouse (i.e., a humanure setup) and I've adopted a practice (which I remember at least sometimes) of pausing halfway there and appreciating this wooded knoll I live on... pause, gaze around me, take a deep breath or two...

Thanks for the reminder about how powerful these small daily practices can be, Brené. I'll look forward to hearing the threshold moments others share here.....................

[Tina]

I think a threshold ritual I'd like to add is being grateful for my bed and my car.

Excited about Gretchen's new book! I hope I win!

*fingers crossed*

[Renae Cobb]

There are lots of thresholds in m day that merit the occasional ritual. This prompts me to be more intentional with good night songs and kisses, school drop off, and that first sip of coffee. And BTW, legos have been falling out all over my dreams. ;-) Happy September.

[Ronda]

"I am grateful for this home and the people I share it with". I've already started planning the sign to hang beside the front door.

[KD]

after a year of many transitions for my family I am eager to adapt a way to incorporate my children into sharing ways to start the day of gratitude and ending the day with gratitude. For our experiences apart from each other in the day as well as securely attaching at home at the end of each day. I want them to be surrounded with words like gratitude, courage, daring greatly, and trust now so it will be innate to them in years to come.

[Aimee Frazier]

My threshold was Mom's door when she was dying from cancer. Before I opened the door I would take a deep breath and tell myself "you can do this! It may be difficult and uncomfortable, but you can do this and you will do it with happiness and positivity." She passed last Wednesday and I am so grateful for the opportunity to have been there with her everyday and proud of myself for pushing through that threshold.

[Lisa]

You have just made me stop to think...my threshold ritual will be done when I wake up. I am thankful for knowing that every day there will be at least one thing that informs, surprises, challenges, stirs or just plain makes me smile an honest smile.

[LineK]

Oh how I love the idea of a threshold ritual. I can think of a lot that I want to bring into my life. The main thing being the gratitude for clients that allow me to work with them, help them ease their pain in life.

[Sue Blake]

I didn't know it was a threshold gratitude ritual - but here is my story. My best friend/husband of 40+ years left me - I am now divorced from him. I stayed in our home for a couple years before I decided to go in search of whether I wanted to move or not by looking at available houses. After a few weeks, I thought, yes, this is a good idea. But I knew it would have to be a house that welcomed me - that joined with me to become my new home. I now live in that home. And every time I walk over the threshold I say outloud, "I love you little house!"

[Jennifer]

I own a small yoga studio in a small town. It is going slow but steady...owning a small business can be very stressful SO my gratitude threshold is going to be speaking gratefulness as I cross the threshold of my studio. Grateful for my students who come to practice with me and grateful that they have included me as part of thier life and practice. This ritual among others.

I am grateful that I found your book at this very time in my life. It has been a refreshing reminder of what my heart and soul already knew. I am excited to get your new book soon!! Your research is heart opening!

[Gretchen]

I love the idea of adding a threshold ritual to the process of coming home!

I am an acupuncturist and have used a threshold ritual to maintain boundaries between me and my patients since I started practicing 4 yrs ago. As I walk through the door to my treatment room I remind myself that I am a separate individual and that their stuff is theirs. I do this in a totally geeky way, by saying to myself, "shields up!" It is both grounding and effective in maintaining my presence and yet also allows me to be vulnerable enough to treat.

This post (and the book) is a good reminder that I need to ritualize gratefulness or it doesn't happen. Gratefulness gets lost in the shuffle of my life, time to bring it more into the light!

[jane]

the threshold ritual is such a simple, perfect trick...literal reframing. love.

[Janet]

I am a BIG believer in prayers of gratitude. Because I AM so thankful for what God has blessed me with. From what I have come from.... to where I am now... Well... I thank God often... every day... many times... sometimes in tears of joy ... sometimes with shouts and dancing.. but always with thankfulness. It is very humbling. I am not sure I have a set ritual for it though. I try to wake up with thank yous on my lips and lay down at night reflecting on gratitudes for the day. It would be interesting to read her book though. Thanks for the opportunity. Love you, Brene', and owe you a debt of gratitude too.

[Megan]

I'm excited to read this book. I'm definitely happiest and most comfortable at home so I think I should start a threshold ritual at my back door before I step outside. A ritual of gratitude in knowing that whatever the day brings, I'm so grateful that I can always return home.

[Kathi]

What a great concept! Each morning as I get up; I let the dog out, the cats in and usually watch deer cross the back pasture.
My hubby has a short commute so I give him one last wake-up hug before I leave. It does make for a great morning.

[Rosi]

I am a firm believer in the power of gratitude and oh, how I needed a gratitude reminder today. Thanks so much! A threshold ritual I would like to incorporate into my day is to take the few minutes after I take my morning medicine and vitamins to just stop everything. To sit and be mindful and to thank my Higher Power for all the blessings in my life, starting with my family and friends.

[Dawn]

In my Faith (Baha'i) we are to say a prayer daily that is my threshhold ritual. Somewhere between noon and sunset, I stop, face East, and recite the words thoughtfully, reminding me of my true purpose as a spiritual being.

Also, lately as I lay down in my comfortable bed at night I stop Nd hunk about how blessed I am to have a warm place to sleep and a loving family that surrounds me.

[Jean Marie Place]

I am going to implement a grateful ritual when I finish writing something in my dissertation each day. No matter if it s chapter finished or a paragraph started, I will say, "I am grateful to be a woman, to have an education, and to be able to give back."

[Catherine Denton]

This sounds like an INCREDIBLE book! I love the idea of a threshold ritual. I'd like mine to be that when I cross the threshold, I immediately find something to be grateful for (a picture, a blank canvas, a coffee mug, my sweet kids, the washing machine) and tell myself WHY I'm grateful for it. Thanks for this opportunity!
<a href=http://wingedwriter.blogspot.com>Catherine Denton</a>

[heather]

I think I need this book to come up with a better response! Instinctively I know that it needs to be something about gratitude for family while the busyness of the day begins and something about gratitude when my husband gets home from work. Taking a moment. The idea of "possessions" captures me as well since our house is an ongoing project and hasn't been very restful because of it. That could change if I attach some rituals at the right points in time.

[Gerri Smalley]

A threshold ritual I would like to create is a morning practice of prayer, yoga, and tea/coffee. Getting this in place would be bliss...
Thanks for the opportunity. ;)

[Stephanie Love]

I work from home and sometimes I forget how awesome that is, before I start work in the morning I'm going to say "How grateful I am to work from home as I help others find joy in their own careers"

[Michelle G]

Hi Brene,

Great post about implementing a ritual to stay grateful! As a 28-year-old woman, I definitely struggle with keeping my attention on my blessings, rather than focusing on what I DON'T have and "desperately" need more of (i.e., success, money, love, etc). One threshold ritual I do on the regular is while driving. Let's say someone in front of me cuts me off, or is super slow, or brakes unexpectedly (happens almost EVERY time I'm in a vehicle)... My old ritual would have been to abuse the you-know-what out of them (in the privacy of my car, of course), but what I recently started doing was practising gratitude for the extra few seconds/minutes that it took out of my day. I normally repeat something along the lines of: thank you for reminding me how to be patient... thank you for that extra minute or so to myself, because--clearly--I needed to regroup my thoughts for the day. I may not always understand why things happen the way they do (both good and bad), but what I've come to understand is that life gives us an abundant amount of reasons to be grateful; it's just up to us to recognize it.

By the way, thank you for all of your hard work on vulnerability; it seriously changed my life!

:)

[Kimberly]

I have a threshold ritual when I walk into my office at work. This is one of the first jobs I've had in my life that I truly love and value, so when I open the door to my office each morning I fill the room with light and love and say, "Thank you for another wonderful day doing work that brings me joy and satisfaction." My pets have implemented a threshold ritual for me at home--my dog and cats come running for the door when I get there and they are so happy to see me that it's pretty much impossible not to be glad to be home.

[Priscilla]

I'd like to adopt a threshold ritual whenever I get frustrated with not being able to calm my colicky baby, or overly active 2.5 year old. I know I'm so grateful to have two healthy children though sometimes it's hard to remember in those overwhelming moments as a stay at home mom!

[Jeanette]

I am grateful for my life every day, as I serve the poor, the homeless and so many in need.
I realize I live like a queen and we have an abundance, and that makesme so grateful for my life!

[Jill Davis]

I am a single parent raising three teenagers and already am starting to get tears as I see them grow up and out as I am raising them to do. Being able to even see the smallest moments and be "in that moment" to appreciate the craziness in my household is sometimes difficult with working full time and making so many decisions on my own. But, as I look at them fighting on my bed or with their sisiter, packing band bags or lunches or doing homework at the table with friends, or playing Scattergories on a Sat. night, I just absolutely make myself take a breath in order to see the beauty of the three most precious people in my life. Life is hard, but gosh, those moments make it all worth it. Gratitude is hard for us mothers when they are little but once you see graduation in the picture, take that step back and know the messes, the naps, the lunch making, the carpooling, the braces, will all be over way too quickly! I am finally grateful for my divorce because it has allowed me the priveledge of raising these three wonderful humans on my own and in the process find my own strength and vulnerability.

[LaDonna Thomas]

I attend an exercise class for strengthening core muscles and fostering relaxation and peace. When I leave that class and step back onto the threshold of the world, I offer a prayer of thanks that I am aware of my body, my sense of self, and the the presence of God in every breath I breathe.

[spedrson]

I'm starting a new season in life. My youngest went off to kindergarten last week and I'm in the midst of redefining myself. Instead of being a stay at home mother of preschoolers I'm now a stay at home mother of elementary school kids and I have no idea what life has in store. I've hated our tiny condo since we first moved into it 4 years ago and now that the kids aren't under foot all day I'm finding myself disliking it even more. So, I really think I need to adopt a practice of threshold gratitude every morning for the home that I do have because heaven knows there are so many without homes.

[Linda Stephens]

Until today, I haven't called these daily moments "Threshold rituals" but I believe they completely qualify! At the end of each day, as my husband and I crawl into bed, we kiss and then get comfy in our respective sleeping positions and hold hands. it's a loose hold, but our fingers or palms or some part of our hands touch the others. It is in this quiet space that I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and acknowledge my gratitude for the love that surrounds us and our children.

Likewise, in the morning when I rise (he is always up first!), the first thing we do upon seeing one another in the house is embrace and breath together as one for a few moments. Again, in this quiet, I say to myself, "I am so very grateful for the deep, true love that fills our home. It is enough and I treasure the opportunity I have to abide here."

Nice bookends to each day! Excited about your new book!!

[kario]

I don't know how to narrow it down to just one threshold! I love this idea and can't wait to get the book. I think the first threshold I would like to begin with is the one leaving my bedroom. Instead of worrying about what will happen in the day to come, I'd like to start my day by leaving my sanctuary and expressing gratitude for my family and the blank slate of a new day to create wonderful things. Thanks for prompting this.

[Kathleen C]

I love the idea of the threshold ritual. After reading through the comments, I am going to incorporate a few for me and my children. But in thinking about that moment every day when I can pause and reflect, I am going to try whenever I slip on my shoes or take them off. It's a transitional moment when I feel I can either relax after a long day- and thus express my gratitude - or when I get started in the morning and need to get psyched up for another day. Being thankful in that moment will remind me of how lucky I am, despite the challenges.

[Jen P]

This is so timely for me. I have a 4 yr old and 6 mo old and I know I should be looking forward to weekends when we can do family activities, but I actually dread them because I feel like we need to fill them with activities or events and more often than not, the family event planning does not occur. The reminder of gratitude really resonates with me. I must read this book!

[Julie]

Thanks! I am a mother of five and a mediator, and sometimes it feels like I rush through everything. I was recently reminded of how it felt to be just beginning the work I do, and how honoured I felt that families were willing to share some of the most difficult and painful moments of their life with a stranger like me, and I need to constantly remind myself of what an honour that is, so I am going to incorporate a threshold gratitude around that with my work. When I was a stay at home mom, the gratitude ritual was at bedtime, when I would start worrying, and instead I would focus on what was right, we had health and a home and food and each other.
On the long weekend, our friends had a baby boy, born on the blue moon, and when I was holding his little newborn body, and listening to his mother, I was reminded of the miracle of life and how we overlook those HUGE things in our busy little lives.
Thanks!

[Sheila]

Hi, Brene! Love your posts! I am a HUGE believer and practioner of ritual gratitude.......after reading a book about Cambodia and the Khmer Rouge-I find that I am so grateful for every morsel of food and salt (you need to read a book from a survivor to understand that one), so grateful when clean accessible water flows from the tap, grateful when I walk and exercise-that I can......and, so compassionate for those who can not. I ritually do a blessing over my car when I get into it each day, thanking God for this safe, dependable, and beautiful (Yup, I accept my vanity ;} ) vehicle to drive. So much throughout the day....you've given me pause, though, and encouragement to find one more thing to bless.....hmmm, perhaps I will do a threshold ritual at the beginning of my reflection and meditation time....thanking God for the time, space, and opportunity to be in relationship. Thank you, Brnen!

[Anna]

My husband is active duty in the military and also pursuing his masters degree. He leaves the house just after 6am leaving me the task of running our 10 month old Australian Shepherd before the children wake, feeding him and our other puppy, getting the children up, getting their pre-packed lunches together (they are both gluten intolerant), emptying the dishwasher...and the list goes on, all to be done by 8.30am when we dash out the door down to the bus stop. I feel like my whole life is a ritual but I have never thought about incorporating reflection on being grateful. Thanks for the inspiration. Will move forward with that in mind.

[Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams]

I love the idea of a threshold ritual. I'd like to implement one for my workplace, to help me face my workdays with a clear head and a positive spirit.

[Carol Vendramini]

After reading your book The Gift of Imperfection I realise that I indeed have a wonderful life. As I cycle to work I started to be grateful for the first morning breeze on my face. It became a wonderful feeling of freedom and choice.
I hope you, as an author, know that you have the power to change lives for the better. I am grateful for your writing and will very much look forward to see you speaking in London ( where I live ) at The School of Life event.

[Barb]

I would like to begin a threshold ritual for my classroom. I spend so much time with my students I want it to be quality and I want to be the best person I can be for them. So, when I enter my classroom each day I will pray a prayer of gratitude for my classes and students, that God has placed them in this special place and entrusted me with part of their education.