it's just a koozie

 

Steve: Charlie won't get out of the bed unless you get him and he wants you to get him dressed. He really has it bad for you.

Me: I know. It's crazy. I don't get it.

Steve: You don't get it? Are you serious? bug-eyed look conveying disbelief in my cluelessness

Me: huf. What? It's not me. What are you saying? getting pissy and defensive

Steve: No. You're great. I'm just saying that you pamper him more than I do.

Me: I do not! It's just a "mommy phase."

Steve: I think that -

Me: Hold that thought. 

Steve: Where are you going?

Me: I'll be right back. Charlie wants a koozie for his sippie cup. His little hands get cold.

Steve: Deafening silence.

Me: (a quiet mumble from down the hall) Shit.
  

I heart cheese!

I'm starting to realize that part of soul-searching, truth-telling and practicing ordinary courage is stopping to feel and acknowledge joy. One of the hardest lessons from the past year is learning that leaning into pain and discomfort just to get comfortable with suffering is a really dangerous idea. Suffering and self-righteous "hard work" can become addictive and debilitating.

I think we lean into the discomfort of self-work so that we can eventually fall all the way through to happiness and joy. I have found so much support and grace sharing my struggles on this blog that it only seems fair to also share the joyful moments too.  And I'm happy (really) to tell you that I have lots of good news to report. Some serious, some fun, some product and fashion-focused (which is serious too).

First, I hope everyone had a good Mother's Day yesterday. I put my PJs on at 1pm and stayed in them until this morning. It was great! Speaking of PJ's...Steve handed me a wrapped shirt box for my mother's day present and I broke into nervous laughter. He said, "I know. I went out on a limb."  I peeled the paper off of the box, opened it up and found delicate tissue sealed closed with a sticker. The sticker was from a local lingerie store. My first thought was, "Oh no he diddent!" Surely, he didn't buy me lingerie for Mother's Day! I pulled the tissue open and Viola! The man is a rock star!!! Aren't these the best! He said, "I know you like cute PJs." Is there anything better than good PJs, handmade cards and couch time?

 

In other fashion news, I've sworn off the mall for fun, funky jewelry and I'm throwing my support to the awesome artisans from the blogosphere. I ordered this bracelet from Carissa over at The Brown-Eyed Fox. I've worn it twice and both times people have stopped to ask me about it. Love it! 

I'm also wearing my new Allison Strine sassy pendant. I bought the one with a woman wearing cowboy boots on the front and reads, "She Doesn't Pretend to be Normal" on the back. It's sooooo me, n'est pas?  

Now, from what I'm wearing to where I'm going (nice segue, huh?):

In big career news . . . I was just named the Behavioral Health Scholar-in-Residence at the Council on Alcohol Houston.  What is behavioral health? So glad you asked. Behavioral health is the intersection between mental-health and addiction. Most people respond by saying, "Oh, like so many of the homeless who struggle with mental illness and addiction?"  Yes. It's like that, but it's also more subtle and more common. In fact, when I talk about behavioral health in my workshops and lectures, I try to explain that all of us have different ways of numbing painful feelings like shame, anxiety, fear, disappointment, anger, vulnerability, and grief.

Sometimes we numb with substances like alcohol, drugs or food, and sometimes we numb in less obvious but equally destructive ways (like staying REALLY busy, gossiping, blogging, having affairs, etc.). It's not a question of "if" we numb, but how. This is a critical question because my research shows that when we numb pain and discomfort (and teach our children to do the same), we automatically dull our experiences of joy and compassion. Here is a slide from my parenting workshop. To varying degrees, I think we can all find ourselves on the lists:

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In related behavioral health news, I received an invitation from the Hazelden Women Healing Conference to join them as a speaker for their 2009 national tour. Check out the dates and location on my website. If you're in these areas and you're interested in attending a powerful, healing day, join us!

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Shame heal thySELF! There's a short article on my work in the May edition of SELF Magazine! How fun is that? Check it out on page 208! Yes, it's called "Tame your Shame" and there's a picture of a beautiful model looking cute and embarrassed rather than mortified and brimming with self-loathing, but she's the most honest reflection of how I look when I'm in shame. hee-hee-hee. 

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I also stumbled across an article on my work written by Jean Chatzky. We did an interview together on Oprah and Friends radio. It's a great article on money, debt and shame. And, it too has a rhyming title (The Shame Game). Who says that shame isn't a sweet, sing-songy emotion?  

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Speaking of cheese, anyone care for some shame con queso? Shout out to my friend Laura who has the best shame post EVER on her Blog con Queso. I'm totally down with the "let's kick shame's ass" approach to mental health. I'm even into the spitting (you'll need to read the comments for this one).

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And last, but not least . . . our friends at sk*rt have officially changed their name to kirtsy! So great. I'm sending tonsof love and respect to these fierce women. They've handled the name change with such courage and grace. Here's to the highroad. Here's to kirtsy!

Thanks for letting me share!  Questions, comments and queso are always welcome!

love thursday

 

Today is Love Thursday over at Shutter Sisters and I'm celebrating one of the great loves of my life - teaching!  I can hardly believe that I've taught at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work for 10 years.

Last week I learned that the graduating students selected me to hood them at graduation (hoods are part of the regalia for masters and doctoral students). Graduation rehearsal was tonight. This is a picture of me and Eric Johnson (one of our graduates who actually took four of my classes during his 2 years in the program). He's the tallest graduate in the class so we figured if I could get the hood on him, the others would be safe. The students walk on stage when their names are called. They carry their hood over their arms and as their graduate degrees are officially bestowed, I place the hood over their heads and around their shoulders. It's a very special tradition!

To the graduating class of 2008 - what an honor! I can't wait to spend graduation day with you! Thank you for all you have taught me.

And, thank you to Amy who took this picture and is graduating with her doctoral degree on Saturday. I'm sorry . . . Dr. Amy!