STOP reading if you think I cancelled meetings or missed emails because I was working hard this afternoon.

OK - the rest of you can keep going.  

Yes. I went today. First showing. With my SatC partner in crime, Laura.

Yes. It was awesome! Yes. It lived up to our expectations.

No, I don't recommend using your camera in a sold-out theater packed with anxious, super-excited, middle aged women. Not even for a quick blog shot.

dododo da dodododododo.  

 

I've been thinking about water all day. It started with a mad search for goggles this morning and ended with finding this amazing picture. Every now and then, if I let too much time pass, I get desperate for the water. I need an ugly Speedo, a swim cap and a wide open lane. It soothes me. It's quiet and familiar.

Steve and I met coaching swimming. Last year, on the 20th anniversary of our first date, we were at Ellen's very first swim meet. Flags flapping in the wind and the smell of sun screen and chlorine. It was a very tender moment.

This is Charlie's first real swimming summer. We wondered how he would take to the water. Here's our answer!

Happy Love Thursday! 

Congrats Renae C - you won a copy of the book ! Send me an email with your address and I'll ship it out on Monday! 

One of my dreams has always been to interview writers, artists and activists who inspire me to do better, be better and take better care of myself. I kicked off my inspiration series last month with Katherine Center. This month, I'm celebrating Jennifer Niesslein with an awesome interview and book giveaway. So, get comfy and learn a little bit about Jennifer and her work - I think you'll be impressed.

I ran into Brain, Child: The Magazine for Thinking Mothers a couple of years ago when a student handed me a stack of copies and said, "Here's the smartest parenting magazine you'll ever read." It was. It is. 

Fast forward to a January 2008. I accidently find Jennifer's blog and guess what??? Jennifer and her friend Stephanie Wilkinson are the co-founders of Brain, Child. I check out her great posts and read a blurb from her new book, Practically Perfect in Every Way: My Misadventures Through the World of Self-Help and Back. I buy the book, laugh my ass off, cry my heart out, feel super uncomfortable (like I've been found out), laugh some more, then think so hard my head explodes. That's Jennifer.

Here's what hooked me to read the book (for some reason, I heard Don LaFontaine - that weird, booming, movie comerical guy - reading this to me in my head):

 And, wait! There's more. Let us not overlook these great reviews . . .

“Conversational and funny…but also, at times, serious and contemplative.”
—Salon.com

“Amazingly in-depth yet entertaining with its fresh humor.”
—Library Journal

“Revelatory…entertaining and thoughtprovoking.”
—Feminist Review

“A delightfully witty and sometimes startlingly poignant memoir.”
—Kristin Ohlson, author of Stalking the Divine and co-author of Kabul Beauty School

“A level-headed, laugh-out-loud tour of the loopy world of self-help.”
--Ann Crittenden, author of The Price of Motherhood and If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything

Before I introduce you to Jennifer, I want to tell you why and how she inspires me. This is my favorite part - mostly because the folks being featured have no idea why they inspire me until this post goes live.

When it comes to Jennifer, I'm inspired by lots o' stuff. Her writing is warm and authentic (her work has appeared in The Washington Post, The Nation, and Salon.com, among other places). I heart her metaphors. She's honest when it's important and she's honest when it's hard.

But, here's what inspires me the most about Jennifer's approach to writing (and dare I say life): it is simple, complicated, straight-forward, complex, soft and sharp. Jennifer doesn't force you to decide if you're the fun-loving girl who likes to bust-a-move to Vanilla Ice OR if you're the serious feminist critical thinker. She doesn't choose "irreverent and funny" OR "serious and contemplative" - she's all of the above. If you've read the "my story" page on this blog, you'll know why I'm inspired. Jennifer is unapologetically authentic. My very favorite flavor of authentic.

Jennifer - you inspire me!

Blog friends, meet Jennifer. Jennifer, my blog friends.

One of the great things about having my own blog is getting to ask my own questions. This is not a book review. It's not a book club discussion guide. It's an opportunity for us to learn more about an authentic, complicated person who is chasing dreams and practicing ordinary courage. 

I've decided to channel James Lipton and ask the same questions to each of the "inspirees" (and I even borrowed a few of his questions). I'm also stealing questions from the JL Uncle Jessie meme, the "weird things about you" meme and, of course, everyone has to give us a six-word memoir.

Here we go! 

1. What is your writing process?

2.  How would you characterize your relationship with writing?

3.  What are your greatest creative inspirations?

This is going to sound totally vague, but I do get inspired when I see someone execute something in a way that’s completely theirs. For example, there are a gazillion ways to write about sex—but only one Mary Roach book on it (Bonk). Or, when I see my friend Beth’s collage art—it’s instantly recognizable as hers.

4.  What are your greatest creative barriers?

5. Truth-telling is a vulnerable and sacred process for most of us. How do you stay honest in your writing?
I assume my readers are like me—blessed with a stellar bullshit detector.

6.    How do you manage your life (family, partners, children, friends, etc.) when you are writing?

Now, for some fun!

From James Lipton, host of Inside the Actor’s Studio

1. What is your favorite word?  Messy.
2. What is your least favorite word?  I don’t really have one. Some slang, like “natch” sounds off to me, though. Whenever I see people use it, I think, “Dude, that word is totally made up.”
3. What sound or noise do you love? Every year, my grandparents sing Happy Birthday to me over the phone; it’s what I most look forward to on that day.
4. What sound or noise do you hate? Whining.
5. What is your favorite curse word? Fuck. By far.

From JL’s Uncle Jessie Meme

1. A song/band/type of music you'd risk wreck & injury to turn off when it comes on the radio?   
That certain kind of bluegrass that combines the worst of folk and the worst of country. The kind that has a long, amorphous “jam” in the middle that’s all twang and no fun.

2. Best show on television?
Any of those Bravo reality shows. Or VH1 ones.

3. Favorite movie?
Any Christopher Guest movie, but Best in Show is probably my favorite. I’m a sucker for funny/poignant, and that cast is so genius at it.

4. Favorite room in your house?
The family room—we recently got some big blue furniture. It reclines! It has drink holders! It doesn’t smell like the dogs yet!

5. Best concert?
They Might Be Giants at Starr Hill Music Hall here in Charlottesville. My husband bought a recording of that particular concert, and I swear, I think I’m the one yelling, WOO HOO!” at the end of every song.

6. Brass or strings?
Don’t make me pick!

7. If you could have anything put on a t-shirt what would it be?
We actually sell tee-shirts through Brain, Child that say, “Listen, Missy.” I love that phrase.

8. The best part about being your age?
I’m not waiting anymore for My Real Life to start. For the longest time, I thought, once I grow up, or once I finish this project, or once I get more experience, or once I get recognition, then … what? It’s a good way to chase your goals, but also a good way to miss out on the present.

9. Favorite Girl Scout cookie?
The ones with the peanut butter and chocolate. And I do mean ones.

10. Poker or gin or bridge?
Gin, I’d say, just because I don’t know how to play poker or bridge. I tend to specialize in card games that any four-year-old worth her salt knows.

11.  Shower or bath?
Shower. Baths are good every once in a while, but I can’t stand my wet knees poking out of the water.

12. Favorite pajamas?
These pj bottoms that are made out of thermal material, and any old tee-shirt.

13. Nightmare job?
Any job in which people treat you as if you’re invisible. One of my jobs in college was to hand out Frito-Lay products at various stores around the area. It was depressing to watch people actively try to avoid eye contact with me. I have only recently been able to eat Sun Chips again.

14. A talent you wish you had?
To play the guitar. But without having had to practice or take lessons.

15. Dream vacation?
My sisters always laugh at me because I tend to turn every vacation into a social studies field trip, dragging everyone to the lighthouse or the local museum. So, I guess it would be more of that. And also, when I got home, I’d be well-rested and the laundry would be done.

16.  What’s on your nightstand?
A glass of water, Jennifer Ackerman’s Sex Sleep Eat Drink Dream, some folded dishtowels that should be downstairs, dryer sheets, the lamp, and layer of dust.

From the famous “Weird Things” blogoshpere meme

Tell us 3 weird things about you:

1. In high school, I wore a lot of black—clothes, eyeliner, shoes—and even today, I can’t shake the habit of choosing black for any item of clothing. Which is idiotic, given the amount of fur my dogs put out.

2. I love me some karaoke. I actually practice alone on my machine. (Here’s a tip: Almost everyone is good at Billy Joel’s “Still Rock and Roll to Me.”)

3. I could eat mashed potatoes with cheese every single day.

From Smith Magazine’s Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs from Writers Famous and Obscure

A six-word memoir that captures your life as a writer OR your writing life.

It’ll come together. Have faith, lady.

Of course, I can't let Jennifer off the hook without a shame question or two . . .

BB: I feel like there's a very stealth shame cycle at play with some of the more "simple solutions" and "easy 1-2-3 step" self-help books: I feel inadequate and "less than" so I turn to self-help. I can't stick with the program or follow the rules or keep up with the classes or journal every night so I feel even more inadequate and I buy more books and look for more answers. What do you think?

JN: I think you’re right. I think those of us who buy the self-help books either read them and sort of hope the advice will take by osmosis, or we get partway through a program and stop it. And then you feel as if you’ve failed in some way—in an area that you needed help with in the first place! There’s something really unpleasant about that double whammy: You’re feeling vulnerable about, say, your parenting skills and then you fail to improve them. In my case, I did take the advice to the end. In many cases, for my own mental health, I wished I hadn’t.
 
In my experience, the subject matters a lot. If you’re looking for some basic information, there is some good stuff out there. I really learned a lot in the financial advice chapter. And I was completely fascinated with the chapter on positive psychology, where I was advised to focus on my strengths and not my flaws.  But when you start mucking around with flesh-and-blood relationships—between partners, or between the parent and child—there are just too many variables for a one-size-fits-all kind of advice.
 
BB: Also, are self-help writers/psychologists oversimplifying complex issues so they can sell books or are they responding to editors and book buyers who insist on easy answers? 
 
JN: I really think that the reason the self-help industry can boom like it does is that we’ve set up the culture so the individual bears the brunt of a lot of responsibilities, from our own retirement funds to raising mentally sound kids. It’s pretty high stakes, and the old kinds of safety nets (nearby family to help with childcare, jobs with pension plans, a reasonable commute that leaves time for, say, exercise) have fallen away for a lot of us. We want some vetted answers on how to manage it all, all by ourselves.
 
And, to be fair, I bet if you asked each expert, they would probably say that hope and believe that their advice improves people’s lives. But there are a few—I’m looking at you, Dr. Phil—that may be more about entertainment and a promoting a certain world view than anything else. There is a weird, weird old-school vein running through a lot of self-help, in which the easy answer is Let’s Pretend Feminism Never Happened.

Jennifer, thank you for inspiring us!

Click here to buy Practically Perfect from amazon.com OR click here to score a Practically Perfect Package deal on the book and the awesome Brain, Child magazine!

Don't forget to leave your name for the book giveaway! I'll announce the winner on 5/30!  

I'm spending this Love Thursday staring at these pictures and listening to Hideaway by The Weepies. It's a dangerous combination. I feel like I'm frantically searching for the little girl who once was Ellen and, at the very same time, loving every minute of watching her grow into this amazing person. Sometimes when I look at her and think about who she is, it literally takes my breath away. I have to close my eyes and quietly tell myself, "I can do this."